


Solidarity

by InsaneAndHappyAboutIt



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Feels, Gen, Poor Thomas, Triggers, poor anna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt/pseuds/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt
Summary: This takes place during S4 after Mr. Green rapes Anna. What if it wasn't Mrs. Hughes who found her after the party ended upstairs? What if it was Mr. Barrow and, contrary to all expectations, he proves to be the better choice on account of having had similar experiences in the past?....





	Solidarity

**Author's Note:**

> This was a strange idea but I had to get it out of my system so here it is. There's no explicit sexual contents in this one but there is mentions of Thomas being assaulted by an unnamed duke in the past....  
> I hope you enjoy the read!!! XD

Thomas couldn’t take it anymore. He was not a conservatist like Mr. Carson, someone like him would have to be insane to want the old ways to stay unchanged, but he supposed he wasn’t modern enough to understand what people found so pleasing in the Australian Lady’s singing. To him it sounded like a bag of cats being banged against a wall. A surreptitious glance about the room and he could tell he wasn’t the only one having difficulty keeping the blood from pouring out his ears… Though, to his surprise, the Lord and Lady of the house seemed to enjoy the entertainment. 

‘I think I’m getting the beginning of an upset stomach so I’ll just go downstairs for a bit.’ He softly whispered to his neighbour. It was a new maid he hadn’t yet remembered the name of. He didn’t bother learning new staff until he was sure they would stick around, otherwise it was just a waste of effort. She glanced at him through long lashes and he figured that if he liked the company of women he would find her beautiful. 

‘What should I tell Mr. Carson if he asks about you?’ 

‘Tell him the truth. I’m not breaking any rules and I doubt he would want the spectacle of me getting sick in a flower pot up here.’ She looked horrified at the idea and he allowed himself a small smile. Some people were so easily shocked…

‘Alright then. I hope you’ll feel better.’ 

‘I’m sure I will.’ Once he got out of the singer’s earshot that is but he had enough sense not to say that last part out loud. 

He quietly made his way out of the hall in a dignified and unobstructive manner, walking with purpose as if he had a task he had to attend to. Nobody seemed to mind his absence and by the time he reached the stairs descending into the kitchens he was almost skipping. Ah, blessed silence. He would never take it for granted again. He was quite looking forward to having some time to himself with a cigarette and, if he was lucky, some left over wine left in the kitchens. Since this was a celebration and all he didn’t see why he shouldn’t have a little fun as well. 

What he didn’t expect was to nearly run into Mr. Green as he turned the corner. Thomas was stunned into silence for a brief second, not having recognised Lord Gillingham’s valet at first but his wits quickly returned. The man looked slightly flushed and his vest was dishevelled, at least to an impeccably trained eye such as Thomas’. He guessed if there had been any spare wine then there would be no more now. Pity. 

‘Mr. Green, was it? Are you looking for someone?’ The man had a strange, manic look in his eyes. If Thomas didn’t know any better he would have called it lust but as far as he knew Mr. Green was alone. Not that it was inconceivable for a man to be alone and still under the spell of lust…. Nights could be long and lonely, Thomas knew that much. 

‘Oh no! That is, I came down here to get away from the, um, singing for a moment.’ 

‘Yes, I understand the impulse perfectly.’ Mr. Green looked relieved and Thomas gave him a reassuring smile. 

‘She sure has a set of lungs on her though, doesn’t she? My eardrums were nearly shattered.’ Thomas scoffed, getting out of the way so Mr. Green could move past him. 

‘I’m grateful the glass didn’t shatter.’ Mr. Green chuckled heartily at that and nodded his goodbye as he began climbing the steps.  
‘Mr. Green?’ The other man turned to look back at Thomas, a look of sudden panic flashing across his face. It was gone too soon for Thomas to interpret it properly so he put it out of his mind. 

‘Yes Mr. Barrow?’ 

‘You might want to check your appearance in a mirror before re-entering the main hall.’ Thomas was doing the man a kindness. He could have just as easily pretended not to notice the undone button and out of place hair. 

‘Ah yes! Thank you Mr. Barrow. I’ll make sure to do so before Mr. Carson feeds me to the dogs.’ Thomas didn’t doubt that happening. With that Mr. Green was gone and Thomas returned to his original plan, quiet, peace, a smoke and maybe some wine. He still had hope for that last one…

He only had to take a few steps before he heard it. It was such a soft noise Thomas paid it no mind at first, thinking it was some animal from outside but then he heard it again. He raised an eyebrow and lightly stepped closer to the source which seemed to be Mrs. Hughes’ office. He knew the woman herself was upstairs, sitting by Mr. Carson. He’d made sure of that before he made his escape. He was standing in front of the door now and pressed his ear to the wood, just to make sure there really was something making noise inside. He didn’t move a muscle for at least a minute before he heard it again. It sounded like a sob but one which was stifled by a hand or a cloth. 

‘What is this then?-‘ Thomas barged in without knocking, certain he would find some indiscretion of sorts. The worst he thought to find was a heartbroken maid probably crying over letters from her sweetheart or some such sappy nonsense. Instead he found Anna and he froze as he drank in the horrid sight. 

She was wrapping her hands around her slight frame, hugging herself as if it was the only way to keep her body in one piece. Her usually tidy blond locks were pulled out in tangled knots, some still trapped in her messy bun, some falling down her shoulders. Her dress was torn at the collar, revealing a shoulder and far more of her chest than was appropriate. Her face was bruised and bloodied and hot tears ran down her hurt cheeks. She was shaking violently and a heart wrenching sob escaped her gasping lips. Thomas felt his stomach turn and for an idiotic moment he considered closing the door and running back upstairs where he would pretend he’d seen nothing. 

‘Anna what?-….’ He suddenly found it very difficult to speak. 

‘Thomas! Are you alone? Is-Is he gone?’ Thomas felt like this was happening to someone else and he was just a spectator. Maybe that’s why he seemed to be so calm about the whole thing… He stepped inside the office and hastily closed the door behind him. 

‘I’m alone. Is who gone?’ Anna just shook her head over and over, the crying louder and stronger now that there was no danger of being overheard. 

‘It was my fault… I should-shouldn’t have…. He was so nice but-… Oh God!’ Thomas felt sick. This whole scene was making him sick to his stomach. 

‘Anna, is who gone?’ He repeated the question in an even tone. He briefly recalled Mr. Green scampering up the steps and that strange look in his eyes. That momentary panic when Thomas stopped him…. 

‘Green…’ Thomas knew it before she said it but the name still hit him like a slap. He’d laughed with the man. He’d played cards with him and shared cigarettes. He’d been just as easily fooled as Anna and all the other staff. 

‘How… How far did it go?’ He didn’t know how to phrase it more delicately. He knew without the shadow of a doubt what transpired between the two. He recognised all the obvious signs and he felt his pulse quicken as memories from his own past began resurfacing despite years of active forgetting. 

‘Wh-What?’ Thomas took a step towards Anna and she all but fell against the back wall in an attempt to get away from him. He froze, realizing his mistake and held up his hands as if to calm a spooked animal. 

‘It’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you. I know you and I are not the best of friends but right now, please believe me, I’m not going to hurt you. You can trust me.’ The absurdity of trusting Thomas Barrow of all people actually drew a shaky laugh out of Anna but she meekly nodded. She watched Thomas wearily as he approached her, this time slowly and carefully and flinched when he began embracing her though she allowed him to do it. Thomas wasn’t a hugger and the gesture was awkward even if Anna hadn’t been stiff as a board.

‘Why-Why are you being so nice?...’ Anna’s trembling was less violent and she found herself relaxing against Thomas. She was exhausted and terrified of what came next. She wanted to wash and change and somehow forget this whole evening ever happened but she was a woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground so she understood she’d have to face facts eventually. She just didn’t want that to happen yet. She couldn’t face reality just yet and it was nice to feel another human being’s comforting warmth. 

‘As shocking as this might be to most people, I can be nice on occasion. Besides, I know what you’re going through-‘ Suddenly Anna pushed him away violently. She looked outraged enough to strike him.

‘How would you know what I’m going through?! How can you possibly know what it feels like to be violated against your will and be turned into damaged goods in the blink of an eye?! Have you no shame at all?! I feel so-‘ 

‘-Powerless and betrayed. You feel like you’ll never be able to trust another man ever again because if you called this one so wrong then God knows what others hide behind their smiles. You want to scream and throw yourself against a wall until you bleed because some part of you feels guilty for being damaged and you wonder if this wasn’t your fault somehow.’ 

‘Thomas?....’ Anna stared open eyed at the man before her, her own pain momentarily forgotten. She even stopped crying as she struggled to process what Thomas was really telling her. 

‘…I understand what you’re going through Anna because I’ve been in your shoes myself before. I’m fairly certain you already know this about me but I… don’t like women like most men do. I’m different.’ He said that last bit with obvious spite. Anna simply nodded dumbly. She knew that about Thomas. Everyone in the Abbey did. 

‘Well, the trouble with my type is that we suffer in silence. We can’t share with others because they’d be repulsed by us or call the police. I didn’t have anyone to talk to when it happened to me but you don’t have to be alone. It’s better if you talk about it. Trust me on that.’ Anna opened her mouth a number of times and closed it back again. 

‘What happened to you?...’ She realized how insensitive it was to ask a second later. ‘Never mind. You don’t have to relieve it. I’m sorry I asked.’ She turned away, recalling her state of undress and went back to hugging herself. The shaking and the tears returned too though they were more manageable than before. 

‘No, it’s only fair that I tell you since I know your story. That is, if your sensibilities can bear it.’ Anna scoffed though the crying made it sound like a noise a wounded animal would make. She didn’t turn back but nodded her ascend. She felt Thomas gently drape his coat over her shoulders and she grasped at it gratefully, happy to hide herself behind the frock. That act of kindness most likely redeemed Thomas in Anna’s eyes for the rest of his life. She doubted the butler would ever turn over a new leaf but now she would at least know that he wasn’t all rotten. 

‘It was a duke, the name of who I will keep to myself. It was during my first year of service. Carson was short staffed and took me along to help out at this duke’s house, even though I was still inexperienced and my presence there was highly against protocol. You should have seen Carson… He was on edge the whole time.’ Anna was looking at Thomas now whose gaze was somewhere far off. He mechanically pulled out his pack of cigarettes and placed one between his lips. Mrs Hughes didn’t allow smoking in her office but Anna didn’t speak up. Such silly matter seemed so insignificant at present… 

‘He was even more chagrined when the duke decided he wanted me to attend him personally. You can imagine the scandal. I wasn’t even a butler! Still, the duke wanted it and it was his house so Carson had little say. I was so stupid I actually saw it as some great opportunity. Imagine, me a young and eager footman trusted with the work of a butler? I had no idea the man wanted more than help getting dressed and undressed. I would now but then…I was still green.’ 

Anna swallowed the lump gathering in her throat. She could see it all so well. A young, innocent boy taken advantage of like that. She recalled Thomas when he first got to Downton. They’d started service nearly at the same time and he had been very different back then. He’d been…. Wide-eyed and he smiled more. Then one day he’d changed into the Mr. Barrow with no friends who seemed mean for the sake of being mean. Perhaps that was his coping mechanism. Perhaps he was so toxic to everyone who tried to get close because he didn’t want to be hurt like that ever again. Anna understood and she felt sick because she understood. 

‘He was nice at first, oh yes. He was a perfect gentleman. He smiled and spoke kindly to me. When we were in the halls he kept our interactions professional, mostly because Carson’s hawk eyes were fixed on me. He was sure I would manage to somehow turn the whole affair into a fiasco of biblical proportions. He couldn’t see us in the evening though, when I was attending the duke’s personal care…’ 

‘Go on…’ Anna’s voice was soft and gentle. She only spoke after Thomas lapsed into a five minutes’ silence. He frowned at her, not having realised that he’d stopped at all, coughed and lit another cigarette. 

‘Right. The way he touched me, a hand on the shoulder here or a brush against my hip there made it pretty obvious that he was like me. I knew what he wanted but he was nice and I thought he’d be gentle but he wasn’t. One evening, everything was a usual. I’d just helped him get out of his clothes when he turned on me. He hit me across the face and nearly knocked me out. Then he… Well, I don’t think I have to go into details about the rest.’ 

‘What did Mr. Carson say?...’ Anna found herself crying again but this time it was for that poor young Thomas who bore all this horrific pain by himself. She couldn’t imagine what keeping such a poisonous secret inside oneself did to them. It must have been so lonely…

‘Mr. Carson? Goodness, he never knew and he never will. At least not from me.’ He threw her a pleading but pointed look. 

‘I won’t say anything…’ 

‘Good. Thank you.’

‘But then, he didn’t suspect anything?...’ She found it a little hard to imagine someone as sharp as Mr. Carson being so blind. Then again, what sane mind would go to that worst of the worst possibilities? 

‘No. The duke kept me away from the rest of the staff until our departure. I don’t know what story he told Carson but my absence was never remarked upon. I only wished we didn’t stay there for two more weeks.’ 

‘Did he?... The duke, did he?...’ Anna couldn’t quite bring herself to say it.

‘Did he violate me again? Yes. Though he refrained from bruising my face which was a small kindness.’ 

‘Oh Thomas, I’m so sorry…. Truly I am…’ Thomas held up a hand, the same one with a bullet hole in it.  
Sometimes Anna forgot this man had fought for them on the front line. That was the trouble with Thomas. He wasn’t all bad but his qualities were easily forgotten in the face of his glaring flaws. 

‘Think nothing of it. It happened a long time ago and I got over it. Still, thank you for your sentiments.’ Thomas put out what was left of his smoke into one of Mrs. Hughes’ porcelain vases. Anna made a mental note to come and clear it out before it was found out. She could do that much she was sure. ‘So you see, I understand your distress all too well. You will hurt for a time and it will seem like you can’t possibly bear anymore but you’ll eventually be fine. You’ll probably never be the same but you’ll survive and be stronger for it.’ 

‘I’m damaged goods. What will Mr. Bates think of me?... Oh, he will hate the sight of me!’ 

‘He won’t. I will go to my grave denying I ever said this but, Bates is a decent man. He’s not so shallow as to blame you for something which was not your fault. You’re not damaged. You’re a victim.’ 

‘So were you…’ Thomas just stared at Anna for a long while and they shared an unspoken solidarity. 

‘We should get you out of here before the others come down. I’m fairly certain we can sneak under their noses unseen. They’re all too busy going deaf upstairs anyhow.’ 

Thomas held his hand out and Anna moved to his side, letting him guide her out of the room. She leaned against him for support, the exhaustion finally becoming too much. Her legs felt about as sturdy as dry twigs. She trusted Thomas would lead her unseen through the tunnels of Downton to her quarters because she could barely put one foot in front of the other. 

‘I would have never guessed you would end up being my rescuer, of all people…’ Anna nearly cried with relief when she saw the sleeping quarters. Another few minutes and she would have collapsed. 

‘Stranger things have happened at Downton Abbey.’


End file.
